Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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