I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
