i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
