moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
