After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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