so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
