I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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