i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
