Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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