How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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