all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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