youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
