I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
