Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
