it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
