mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
