yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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