end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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