Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
