he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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