You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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