It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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