so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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