I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what is it with giant penises always finding me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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