My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
