I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
