this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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