After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
