She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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