I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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