he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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