I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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