I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
