Kiss
Puke
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
