the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
