the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
please come you make the beer taste better
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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