Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
