I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
