I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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