Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
