I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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