So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
