fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
