it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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