I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
