help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
