Tell her she can't have a vagina
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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