i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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