He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fuck appropriateness.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
