I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
