And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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