I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
